Blog authors for dating website will rarely admit this but hey, 4UDating is not your run of the mill dating website and I am not here to sugar-coat the truth! Crushes are dubbed so for a reason; harbouring a crush can hurt like hell!

Heart in a vice, anyone?

All human beings have emotions and being able to express these emotions helps to keep us sane and content. But with crushes, we are often hiding our true emotions and feelings completely from the individual who has caught our eye for fear of rejection. I am sure that I am not the only person that has carried a strong penchant for someone over several months before eventually plucking up enough courage to spill my feelings to the person in question. More often than not, the response has been along the lines of “I am not interested” – a response that (miraculously) nearly always results in me no longer fancying that individual!

It’s a fairly ironic catch 22 since if I were to face my crushes head on in the first instance then I could save myself half of the heartache caused by the constant pondering of “Does he like me back?” But then arguably, this would take away some of the magic involved in the search for a significant other. Along with the…er…crushing despair of crushes comes that little glimmer of hope and dare I say “fun” that adds an element of thrill to the chase.

And what is a chase without the thrill?

Do you – like I -shy away from crush confrontation?

The truth about crushes: They suck! is a post from: 4udating Blog

Too much choice?

If you’re planning to indulge in a stint of speed dating anytime soon, you may wish to reconsider. It is claimed that the more choices on offer for a single individual, the less attributes and/or characteristics they will take into consideration when choosing their potential partner. Let me explain…

Many psychologists over the years have claimed that the mind becomes overwhelmed when there is simply far too much choice on offer. An example of this is the high number of jam varieties available in a supermarket. It is believed that this feeling of being “overwhelmed” can often lead to poor decision making or a decision that is deferred. A shopper may choose a jam that they usually wouldn’t because it is cheaper or because they like the aesthetics of the packaging – the pressure is on to make a choice quickly when there is so my choice on offer.

In the context of speed dating, instead of choosing a man based on their kind nature, wealthy income or interesting hobby set – elements attractive in a partner – a woman may in fact instead end up focusing on two attributes instead (height and weight, for example) in order to sieve through that which is on offer. Speed daters do not take the time to work out who of those at such events are most suitable and instead make impulse decisions based on things such as physical preferences, since speed dating decisions need to be made on attributes which are easy to evaluate quickly – hence the name!

“There are constraints on what our brains can do – they’re quite powerful, but they can’t pay attention to everything at once,” said Psychological scientist Alison Lenton, of the University of Edinburgh, in which on campus research has tested the “overwhelmed” theory in relation to dating.

Perhaps you are better off using online dating services then. At least your can take your time getting to know each of the individuals that contact your thoroughly before you have to make a decision regarding who you take things further with!

Speed dating and poor decision making is a post from: 4udating Blog

Cuter than the human version!

Am I the only one that gets really aggravated by extreme public displays of affection between couples? I was queuing at the self service checkouts in my local Morrison’s grocery store the other day and two young love birds that I was stood behind were kissing so intently that I was quite worried that one or both of them would lose their entire face, due to the powerful suction that was occurring!

More the point, it took the pair a good 45 seconds to realise that a checkout was now clear for them to use. This might not sound like a lot of time but I was in a rush (as I am sure everyone else behind me also was)! Maybe I was extra irritated by this intense PDA (Public Display of Affection) due to my single status but nevertheless, I am sure I was not the only person thinking “Get a room!”

I have to admit that I also get a bit annoyed with couples who walk along busy pavements holding hands. This creates a blockage for the less love fortunate of us who are trying to get on with the daily chores that make up our days. Get out of the way! Couples who walk along like this also walk slower for reasons unbeknown to me, which also irks me greatly!

Fair enough, you’re both head over heels for each other and you want to declare it to the world but I say limit it to innocent cheek pecking when you’re not in a dingy nightclub and a walk along someone where it is quiet should you wish to indulge in hand linking!

What do you think? Am I being too harsh and am I just bitter as a single lady? Are you all for PDA’s? Share your thoughts with me below.

Argh! My eyes!

I’m all for love birds but get a room! is a post from: 4udating Blog

Could you find love in a friend?

A close girl friend of mine revealed to me the other day that she has quite the crush on her male best friend and she is confused as what to do. She fears that asking him out will ruin the solid friendship that she has with him already or that she will feel foolish should he deny her attempts to take the relationship to a more intimate level.

Knowing that I write blog posts for 4UDating, she turned to me for some advice. There seems to be no definitive answer to this (surprisingly rife amongst singles!) worry however – every love related blog and website I found only suggested that the matter be treated delicately. I am therefore very interested to hear what you guys think about this type of situation. The best suggestion I could offer her was to test the water by bringing up the topic of relationships and dating as a whole with him before even considering the declaration of her feelings to gauge how he feels discussing such matters.

I suggested that she say the following to him:

“What I need is a guy as funny and as cool as you, but one that is interested, obviously…”

But this because I also know the guy that she is interested in and that he has a good sense of humour and will therefore see the funny side of this comment whether he is interested in her or not. What advice would you give her? Have you negatively impacted a close friendship by pushing for romance? What would you say is the most tactful method for approaching the matter? Please share you experiences with me below.

The risk of asking a friend out on a date… is a post from: 4udating Blog

Yes, this did happen to me the other day.

I can only assume that the guy in question was giving numerous females the same old flirty and self esteem boosting banter across Facebook as to not put all of his chickens in the same basket. Well I am not a basket and after this I can’t say I am too keen on chickens either!

Although I will not let the experience detract me from my hunt for romance, I will take what is said via Facebook chat with a much larger pinch of salt in the future. There are honest people out there but it just takes a little while to sieve them out. Back to actual dating websites for me!

Facebook sleazes and relationship status changes is a post from: 4udating Blog

Will my next man love rock music?

Sometimes, I think that I will never find a long term partner because my ideal partner would be someone that does not stare at me blankly whenever I mention the name of a fairly underground 90s British rock band or an alternative singer-songwriter that I adore. I just can’t imagine myself “going steady” with an aficionado of the pop charts (even if I do enjoy a bit of Lady Gaga on the side!)

Holla!

I am convinced that it is imperative that anyone that I am in a long relationship with loves music for another reason too – I am constantly singing (and not always well)! Singing is something that makes me feel good and my days rarely begin or end without a stint of caterwauling into a hairbrush. Not singing would no doubt see my happiness deflate so I’d like a partner who can deal with this.

But I am slowly accepting that my ideal man may not actually be a fan of rock and alternative music since locating a bloke with such interests has failed to work so far! Having the blinkers on regarding the interests of potential dates may have seen me miss opportunities in the past and so I believe it is best to go forward with an open mind.

Does an interest of yours have great influence on the type of men or women that take your fancy? Has a passion of yours ever affected one of your relationships? Perhaps you are a keen traveller or a sportsman that trains to a professional level and you’d like a partner that fits in with your lifestyle? Please share your stories with me below.

Shared passions and love lessons is a post from: 4udating Blog

Are you an Ugly Betty?

It is said so often that “personality is more important than looks” that it sounds little more than cliché. In a society where aesthetics are given an increasing amount of media focus, it is no wonder that the majority of us with less-than-supermodel looks never quite believed the sentiment. Writing posts for this blog is only half of what I do – the other half of my time is spent working in an internet marketing company. I decided to test the personality VS looks theory by presenting the staff of the company with an anonymous poll this morning:

If you had to choose ONE of the following in a potential partner, which would it be?

LOOKS or PERSONALITY

No room here for the fob off of “I like a mixture of both in a partner.” Voters were forced to pick one option only.

So the results…

The Results!

Out of 42 voters, only 11 claimed that they would prefer a partner that is aesthetically pleasing than one with a winning personality (if they could only choose one of these traits in a partner). These statistics obviously cannot represent the opinion of society as a whole but it nice to know that I work in an environment involving many people that are interested in what is beneath the surface level of potential partners.

Comments derived from the poll included “They might have an amazing personality but if I can’t be seen in public with them, what’s the point?” and “I’m going for personality…and a face sticker!”

For some, external beauty will always hold the most importance when it comes to selecting a mate. The individuals who actually enjoy preening themselves in front of a mirror for hours on end (or do not, as the case may be!) and like their partners to do the same clearly have a market of potential love interests but the rest of us average Joes can take solace in the fact that our good senses of humour, outgoing natures, and honest outlooks could be enough to win us several dates or long term partner.

Now get out there, stop worrying about what you look like and enjoy your single life – it might not be around for too long!

Dating IT Geeks Drawn to the Software…Not the Hardware! is a post from: 4udating Blog

Hop aboard the luuuurve train!

Employees in the UK spend a whopping 21 million hours each day commuting to work. That’s a lot of time on public transport! I spent over two hours of my own day travelling to work by rail and now that I have taken the same train every morning for over six months, I can identify both the familiar and unfamiliar faces on my route. It is not common to converse with strangers on public transport in current times and as such, I – like many others – tune into my MP3 player or fiddle with my phone on my journeys to and from work. But this does not mean that I am not taking in or analysing the people that surround me.

I think I fall in love with strangers on the train two or three times every day.

OK…“love” is probably going too far but I find myself aesthetically attracted to a number of passengers who climb aboard on my route. It is always embarrassing when I inadvertently get on the same coach as one of my commuter crushes that regularly uses the same train service. I have to make out as if I am not clocking their presence, even though I very clearly am what with my red face an’ all!

I can’t help thinking that if it were perfectly normal to talk to strangers, then many of us would realise that looks are not everything as we uncover some of the less-than-perfect personalities that lie behind the good looks we are all such suckers for. Paradoxically, some of us might actually fall in love instead of missing opportunities to connect.

Missed connections?

I for one will continue to keep my head down in fear of rejection however. How about you? Are you brave enough to talk to your commuter crush? Have you ever met someone significant on public transport? I’d love here your stories in the comments below.

Commuter Crushes: Admiring strangers on trains is a post from: 4udating Blog

It might be tempting to nod and pretend that you understand particular subject matters (like Quantum Theory, perhaps) or that you have indeed heard of that progressive ska band that he loves but has never crossed your own radar but this will likely spark deeper conversations on these topics, which could quite possibly render you a fool!

Being true to yourself is really the best option when it comes to dating. Remember that opposites attract and a man is far more likely to go for an honest opposite than a fibber!

Be TRUE to yourself!

Have you ever gotten yourself into deep water via lying or pretence during a date? Share your stories with me below…

Dinner dates but hold the lies! is a post from: 4udating Blog

Where will you find love online?

Have you romantically mingled as a result of using MySpace? Has a Facebook poke led to a real life relationship? Has a user on Twitter made your heart flitter?

Social networking websites are often visited by many of their users on a daily basis so it is not surprising that romance would enter this modern realm eventually.

Just a few weeks ago the shares of a penny stock named Snap Interactive increased by nearly tenfold in the wake of the news that their dating application on Facebook (AreYouInterested) was successfully attracting tens of thousands of users each day.

Are YOU interested?

The app works by users simply clicking the “Like” button on those other users (that have also installed the application) that they have taken a fancy to. From this point, users can then choose to message each other to converse further should they wish to.

Although I do think Facebook is useful for connecting with people, I think that it is less useful for making connections with those individuals you DO NOT already know. Personally, if anyone tries to add me that I have no recollection of knowing then they get automatically denied. There are also implications due to flawed consistency regarding matters of information privacy on Facebook.

The application cannot work too successfully either, since it has only been rated as 2 out of 5 stars (averagely) in reviews by users.

Do you use AreYouInterested on Facebook? Would you recommend the app to your friends? What are your thoughts regarding the use of social networking websites for the purposes of dating? Share your thoughts below…

Social net-works for finding love? is a post from: 4udating Blog